Are we the only university deficient in this type of relationship?  In a completely unscientific poll, I interrogated friends at colleges across the nation, asking: “Do students at your university date with a lowercase ‘d’?”

Wesleyan Friend: Not really. But we have “Come as Your Favorite Contraceptive” parties!

Northwestern (ex-boy)Friend: Um … have you seen the people that go here?

Princeton Friend: Not so much. We’re more of a “sex with a lowercase ‘s’” kind of school.

Johns Hopkins Friend: Date?

One summed up the state of campus dating life by saying: “People are either ‘married’ or they randomly hook up. There’s nothing in between.”

Nothing in between???

I think my mission is clear.  Students are obviously bereft and devoid of options.  We need a revival of the old-fashioned principle of casual dating!  No longer shall your relationship status be “single, faithful, or cheater.”  No longer shall you be boxed into a serious relationship just because you want to have something slightly more meaningful than a drunk hookup! No more shall you be derided as a player when you merely wish to keep your options open!

I’m appealing to all undergraduates here: Take Back the Date!

There are virtually no disadvantages to casual dating. There’s nothing better than making new friends and having new experiences. When else would you walk around the National Christmas tree or see a performance at the Kennedy Center? Oh, sure, you could do those things with your friends. But you couldn’t kiss them afterwards!

It’s also one of the best ways to learn about an unfamiliar subject – want to know about med school? Date a med student. Judaism? Date a member of J-Frat. Lacrosse?  … um … read a book.

Moreover, it’s an effective way to practice interacting with members of the opposite sex (graduates of single sex high schools, I’m talking to you). Keg parties and study groups aren’t necessarily the activities most conducive to perfecting your skills. Dating one-on-one gives you a chance to become comfortable with new people in unfamiliar social situations. Trust me, experience in dating helps.  This, in turn, can boost your confidence and self-esteem.  Today, a date with your hot lab partner.  Tomorrow, a cast member of the Real World …

So why don’t more undergrads date?  Overwhelming fear of a “sober hookup”? Lack of money, perhaps? Please. If you have money to buy a keg, you have money to take a girl out. I believe the answer lies in our culture. As a wise freshman opined, “If you do anything with a guy one-on-one, you’re automatically in an exclusive relationship.” And if you choose to see more than one guy in a weekend? “You’re labeled a slut or a player, depending on your gender.”

No, no, no.  Casually dating multiple people is an excellent way to hedge your bets – it broadens your dating portfolio. As long as both parties realize the relationship is not exclusive, there is nothing underhanded or immoral about Friday night dinner with Mike and Saturday night drinks with John. Obviously, steer clear of detail oriented talks about other suitors – Mike really doesn’t need to know that John has a bigger … dorm room.

So how does one go about dating with a lowercase ‘d’? For guys, the traditional method is to get her digits and call at least three days in advance for the date. The conversation should be light, brief, and concluded with a laid back question like, “So … Do you want to get together for drinks/dinner/coffee/dessert/activity on day-of-week-3-days-from-then?” This formula should get you through even the most nerve-wracking of pre-date calls.

Needless to say, dialing the girl Saturday night at 11 with the message that “Yo, Late Night is at Mike’s place” does not count.  Sorry laxers.

As for the girls, your job is to say “yes.” Unless the boy is violent, insane, or your best friend’s ex-boyfriend, give it a chance.  Do not think about whether you want to Date him with an Uppercase ‘D.’ Do not conclude that he isn’t “your type.” Do not assume this is the beginning of a long term relationship that you’re “not ready for” and even if you were, you certainly wouldn’t have one with a College Republican SFSer.  Actually, that last objection might be a valid one.

The point is this – there is no such thing as bad dating experience.  Experience allows us to discover what we want in a significant other, what we don’t want, and what we’ll run screaming down M Street to avoid.  It gives us interesting stories to tell – there’s nothing better than a good Dating War Story.

And above all, it’s a damn good way to pass the time.