Whether or not you’ve heard of the 1995 bestseller The Rules, chances are you know someone who uses them.  Some people call it “playing hard to get” … others refer to it as avoiding “the Dating No-no’s.”  Rules girls have “a certain something”—not necessarily beauty, brains, or even a great rack; it’s more subtle than that.  These girls exude confidence.  They’re happy, busy and contented with their lives.  And guys just can’t get enough.

“But aren’t the Rules just game playing and deception?”  Um … no.  It’s not about scamming some guy into liking you.  It’s about using what makes men desire women to your advantage.

Dating, like most of life, follows simple economic principles of supply and demand.  If you saturate his market, your price will go down.  So keep the supply low and he’ll keep the demand high.  The bottom line?  Everyone loves a challenge.

Read on and let the dating begin.

The Basics:

1) Be Mysterious.
The Rules calls this “being a creature unlike any other.”  My brother refers to it as “acting like you’re interesting even if you’re not.”  You may be a dandelion at heart, but in his eyes, you’re a unique flower, an elusive butterfly, a black squirrel.  Okay, maybe not a black squirrel, that’s sort of frightening.

2) Be Happy.
Leave your mordant wit at home.  We all have that one friend who is constantly “tired,” constantly “stressed,” constantly having “the worst day” of her life.  We all wish that friend would either shut up or start taking Prozac.  It gets old after a while … and it’s even worse if you have to date her.

3) Don’t Ask a Guy Out.
If a guy doesn’t have the cojones to ask you out, then he’s either A) not terribly interested or B) not terribly interested. Yes, I know you think he’s shy. You’re in denial.

4) Don’t Pay.
Why?  Chivalry, tradition, respect.  And because eventually he'll want a blow job.  You might as well start evening the score now.

5) Don’t Get Involved Too Quickly.
This rule also encompasses “Don’t Open Up Too Fast” and “Be Honest but Leave Out the Gruesome Details of Your 6th Grade Suicide Attempts With Plastic Art Scissors.”  Struggling to hold it all in?  Repeat to yourself, “He’s not my therapist.  He’s not my therapist.”

6) Get (and Keep) a Life.
As the real Rules say, “the worst thing you can do is give him the impression that you aren’t busy and sought after by other men.”  Like a partially filled Endowment, girls without suitors arouse suspicion.  Why does no one else want to date you?

7) Don’t Do Things You’ll Regret.
If you think you’ll regret it, you will.  That goes for sex, acting rudely, sex, sex, going too far, being mean, sex, and not following the rules.  And participating in underwear runs, even for charity.  But that’s another topic.

Rules That Sound Ridiculous But are Actually Quite Useful:

8) Don’t Call Him.
While you may think you can appear busy and popular and still stalk … er, talk … to him three times a day, unfortunately he rarely feels the same.  He should have to track you down.  And forget about anxiously checking your cell for missed calls.  They’re all voicemails from your best friend or grandmother, asking if he’s called yet and what color bridesmaid dresses you’re leaning towards.  No!  He hasn’t!  And you were thinking a sort of 'blushing salmon'…

If you still find yourself obsessively gazing at your phone, try deleting his number while yelling dramatically, “Out of my phone! Out of my life!”  This usually does the trick.  He should call within the hour.  And if he doesn’t?  Well, you don’t have his number anymore, so I guess it doesn’t matter.

9) Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date After Wednesday.
This is the oldest rule in the book.  The key here is to emphasize the fact that you’re not just a plaything who will come on five minutes notice. In other words, we’re trying to eradicate the booty call.  You will think that he’s phoning you at 2 am Friday night because he’s madly in love with you and needs to hold your hand while strolling along a beach right then.  You will be wrong.

Please. You Should Know These:

10) Don’t Talk Too Much.
[This applies especially to govt. majors, SFSers and law students.]  Quite the extrovert myself, I recoiled at this rule originally.  However, having suffered through a “talker” just this past September, I finally feel compassion for all my victims.  I … just … wanted … him … to … shut … up.  If you think you’re talking too much, you’re talking WAY too much.  And you’re probably talking too loudly as well.  You might even be scaring people.  Tone it down a notch.  At least until you get the “I love you” or he gets drunk, whichever comes first.

11) Don’t Stalk.
Generally, I find that guys appreciate the non-stalker approach.  However, covert, small-time stalking can occasionally jump start a relationship.  This is a week—two weeks max—where you show up randomly in places he happens to be, until he finally asks your name and gets your number.  “This works,” one such stalker explained, “because after you first meet someone, they seem to turn up more frequently now that you recognize their face.

This is indistinguishable from them turning up more frequently because they hacked into your Student Access account to get your class schedule.”  It is crucial, however, to disappear after the two-week window—before it dawns on him that “this girl is stalking me.”  Stop going to his soccer games, return to your regular discussion section, quit pretending that you “just happened” to be in the same men’s bathroom.

And if he still hasn’t asked for your number after two weeks?  Um, sorry — I guess you’re just a stalker.

Of course, you can play by The Rules as much as you like, but somewhere out there are still guys like my brother.  His ideal girl?  “She pays for her own meals, she returns my phone calls and she has a nice rack.”

Sigh.