Hoya-Sexa Ed 101
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
AUGUST 22, 2003
In the fall of my freshman year, I read a little book called Making the Most Out of College. It featured a lot of upperclassmen and recent grads giving advice on various topics: grades, professors, dating, extracur-riculars. They all echoed an identical sentiment: “If I had only known then what I know now.”
News Flash: You will feel this way in four years no matter what you do. The question is, how much will you suffer in the meantime?
The key to minimizing the dating pain often associated with your first year lies in the following: You don’t have to repeat the mistakes naive freshman have made since the dawn of co-education.Lesson #1: Get rid of the high school boyfriend. Now.
I know, I know, he’s your true love! You’ll make the distance work!!Lesson #2: Say “yes.”HAHAHA
If — IF — you make it to winter break (and many don’t), you’ll hate college in the meantime. Dependent on a telephone umbilical cord (okay fine, you have a cell. I realize it doesn’t have a cord. Pretend.), you’ll spend the year hermit-like, cloistered in your New South room, searching Expedia for good fares to your love’s college of choice. Odds are you’ll cheat — or want to. And even if you don’t, you’ll miss opportunities to date other people. No matter what happens, by February, you’ll be over it.
My good friend Whitney sums it up in six words: “Having a boyfriend freshman year sucks.”
But not to football players. Ha! No … I don’t mean “say yes,” in that way (see Lesson #3), I mean say yes to new people and new experiences.Lesson #3: Say “no.” (yeah, guys, I feel your pain)Recently I conducted a highly unscientific survey on collegiate schedules. Apparently more learning occurs on Friday and Saturday night than in your average 10:15 Problem of God section. Accordingly, many students conclude that the most interesting part of higher education comes from their peers.
Your first year in college is a study in experimentation. It’s a year to find out who you are, who you want to become and what kind of beer you really, really like. Go to lots of parties, join lots of clubs (you’re good at that already, you got into Georgetown), find out what “getting GERMed” really means.
Do not fool around on the first weekend. Especially not with athletes. Especially not with someone on your floor. Especially not in a New South shower. You will regret it. Never in the history of higher education has a senior said, “Thank God I hooked up with Brad that first night freshman year in Harbin!” These seniors do not exist.Lesson #4: Date with a lowercase “d”Believe me, there will be plenty of other nights in which you and that hot junior can make out on the bottom bunk of your XL-twin in Village C. If you do it now, you will go further than you want to, faster than you want to (and I realize some young men insist that there is no such thing as “too fast.” They’ll be hanging out a lot in the health center.)
And furthermore (let's be pragmatic here) your reputation will be, uh, set. As in stone. No, I’m not joking. At your 30th reunion, you’ll still be known as “the-girl-who-got-drunk-on-Mike’s-Hard-Lemonade- and-flashed-the-entire-dining-hall-the-first-night-of-freshman-year.” Guys? You’re not impervious to the skank reputation, either. One well-known campus man-whore started his “game” about 12 minutes after he arrived in the 202 area code. If your goal is to be first on the list of “Guys to Stay Away From” then, yeah, go for it. No one will hook up with you by the second week, though.
(That means dating multiple people; on the relationship spectrum, it falls after hooking up but before monogamous commitment).So. Now you have two choices. You can read this article, think about what I’ve said and actually follow my advice. Or you can read this article, think about what I’ve said and not follow my advice whatsoever. If you choose the latter, come up to me in eight months so I can say “I told you so.” I won’t rub it in much. I promise.During orientation my freshman year, a venerable professor shocked everyone by saying, “What you undergrads should look for these next four years is …” followed by a long pause (while we waited, expecting something like “knowledge”)
“… a spouse.”
Uhh … jigga wha??
(That’s what my roommate Alex — who, yes, is blonde and from Greenwich, Connecticut — likes to say when she’s really confused.)
Well, I’m sure this professor had a point. In 1956.
Come on, let’s be realistic. Most of us — I include myself — aren’t getting married anytime soon. We hope. And that’s okay! I suppose you could spend all your time looking for a spouse when you’re not particularly ready to settle down, or … you could find a bunch of really interesting people — male, female, transgender, Jesuit — to hang out with in the meantime.
Contrary to popular opinion, you do not have to see “marriage potential” in every relationship. There are virtually no disadvantages to causal dating. It’s an effective way to practice interacting with members of the opposite sex (graduates of single gender high schools, I’m talking to you). Dating one-on-one gives you a chance to become comfortable with new people in unfamiliar social situations.
It’s also one of the best ways to learn about a new subject — want to know about politics? Date a government major. Want to know about brown-nosing? Date a School of Foreign Service freshman. Want to know about lacrosse? Um … why?