Oh, sure, we’ll probably never be confronted with the option of a million bucks or an attractive mate. And if we were, we’d definitely go for the million. Please. Even my friend Sasha admits he’d pick the money over his girlfriend of a year – whom he loves very much, and who is ridiculously good looking, in case you were wondering.

Is there really something to be learned from such an improbable situation? Come on, this is reality television! Of course it’s unrealistic. That’s why it’s so fascinating. The nuanced chaos of real life doesn’t allow us to isolate variables such as “love” or “money” and examine them objectively.

The show makes a valid point — no matter how contrived or transparent it may seem. Money does affect our romantic decisions. Period. Just because those choices are rarely so explicit doesn’t mean we should deceive ourselves that they don't exist or aren’t important.

Although we have a tendency to muddle fiscal issues by phrasing them in other terms (“He doesn’t have ambition,” “She’s too materialistic”), we’re only hurting ourselves. After all, we have to figure out these concerns sometime — preferably before hundreds of dollars in couple’s therapy.

And if you think things are difficult now, in a few years add rent, taxes, and babies!  It’s not a coincidence financial disagreement is listed as one of the top reasons for divorce in the United States.

Bottom line?  We all allow money to affect our relationships in some way or another, although we may not realize it or couch it in those terms.

  So how to handle the minefield of love and money?

Well ... it’s complicated. Influenced by our parents, our community, and our national culture, we grow up socialized to believe that money should be saved and spent in certain ways.

I’m a total tightwad, for example.  Out to dinner one evening, I once questioned why The Boyfriend needed to order a $2.25 bottle of sparkling water.  So unnecessary, I thought, when you can drink perfectly good tap water — for free! It's no coincidence I was picking up the check for that meal.

The fact is, even minor relationship expenses may trip us up. For many students, the most significant interaction we’ve had with the money-love issue is the contentious debate over whether or not “The Guy Should Pay.”

Should a guy pay for everything? Does Wisey’s count as a date? Should you feel obligated to go dutch if he has less money? What if he has more?

I was schooled in the old-fashioned Rules, which state “It’s just chivalrous for men to pick up their dates and pick up the checks.”

There is no other reasoning.  That’s it.  Sort of like when your parents insisted you do something “just because.”

Really. It just feels wrong for a man to expect a woman to split the check.  Recently, however, my knee-jerk assumption that only a callous ass would do such a thing was called into question by a certain boyfriend of mine, who was, alas, quite obviously not raised in Connecticut. Or even this country, for that matter.  He seemed to think that expenses should be shared. Shared?!?

Incredulous, I asked a few male collegians what they thought:  Who should pay?

From Los Angeles: “Of course I pay. It’s the rules, the guy always pays. Especially on the first couple dates. And I don’t expect to get anything in return.”

From Chicago: “If you’re trying to hook up with a girl, you should NOT make her pay for the dinner that you’re using to set up for the sex. That’s really stupid.”

From Greenwich, Conn.: “It’s nice when you're dating a girl and she offers to treat for things (which of course you don’t let her do) … [pause] … but it’s even nicer when you have a girlfriend who has enough money to pay for late night pizza.”

From Bethesda, Maryland: “Times are definitely changing, but people are a product of their environment. I was raised in a conservative traditional household; taught to respect women – holding doors, picking up the checks. That’s how I show my appreciation. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.”

It shouldn’t be that way, but it is.

Remember the $2.25 bottle of sparkling water I didn't want The Boyfriend to order?  Now, if he had been paying, as he most often does, I wouldn’t have noticed — or cared.  But it was going on my credit card, so it was my decision whether to splurge on expensive H20, or scrimp on water from the sink.

After all, what does it really mean for somebody to pay for you? Money is a type of control; whoever has the cash gets to choose what's important.

But no one can be happy in a relationship when they feel that they’re being taken advantage of. You can be obstinate like my roommate and resolutely declare, “money and love don’t mix.”  Great!  That’s wonderful. Next stop, the convent.  Because in the real world, money and love have to mix.

So what’s the answer? Well ... I don’t know. But I do know that we can’t pretend the problem doesn’t exist. And although dealing frankly with money issues is difficult, what’s the worst that could happen? Even if your love chooses money over you, at least it’s not on national television.