It’s easy to get overwhelmed – going to college is a process that involves dozens of questions and hundreds of decisions.  Which dorm?  What major?  Which classes?  What clubs?  Which friends?  What guys?

When I embarked upon my first year at Georgetown University in Washington, DC, I wrote an incredibly dorky paragraph that probably sums up the majority of thoughts in every freshman’s head (whether they admit it or not):

“Am I going to like it here?  Am I going to be happy?  Who will my friends be?  Will I be able to handle living in a 10 x 16 foot box with a stranger?  Most of all, will I be able to ‘make the most of my college experience’ – whatever that means??"

I practically gave myself a nervous breakdown.

Looking back, I realize I really didn’t need to freak out so much.  It’s okay not to know the answer to those questions right now – in fact, that’s one of the best parts of college.  You’re not sure how it’s all going to play out, because your world is changing so rapidly.

Great Expectations

We all come in as freshman with different expectations – but a few keep popping up on everyone’s list – more freedom, more partying, more work, more guys.  Does the reality live up to the myth?

Krystal Kahler, a recent graduate of San Diego State University, says no.  “I was expecting sorority Girls Gone Wild, a hundred boyfriends, huge parties and academics which were 100 times harder.”  Not quite, she learned soon enough.  “Well, I was wrong.  I joined a sorority and dropped it.  Instead of dating a lot of guys I had a boyfriend.  I got straight A’s and guess what?  I hardly partied at all.”

Nothing like college to take your conception, add a ‘mis’ to the front, and destroy a set of stereotypes in the process.  Still, there are certain elements that you can pretty much count on.

1)    You will have a more flexible schedule.  Notice I didn’t say “free time.”  You may technically have a class at 8 am, but as a college student, you can view that as more of a suggestion than a demand.  You technically have school work to do, but it’s up to you as to whether you’ll do it or watch Moulin Rouge for the 17th time instead.
2)    You will gain the freshman 15.  But you’re probably too skinny anyway.  No, seriously.  You might as well get over it now and see it as an opportunity to buy an entirely new wardrobe, which perhaps integrates a larger bra size.  ;)
3)    You will meet an incredible number of boys, many of whom will want to make out with you.  You’ll need to determine whether they’re worth it, which is difficult if you’re so drunk you can’t remember where you live.  This is a learning experience every girl must go through – and I hate to say it, but most of us learned the hard way.  If in doubt, check the bathroom wall for his name.

Throughout all this, you may feel like you’re in your own little world – and you really are.  That’s not necessarily a bad thing, however.  Adrianne Klein, a sophomore at Grinnell College in Ohio, says living in the collegiate bubble “can be weird,” but ultimately “the distance from pressures and life of the outside world means that you can spend all of your time focusing on your own academic, spiritual, and emotional growth.”

What could be better than four years to focus on you?  Well, you, and … roommates, friends, a social life, guys, and of course, academics!  That is why you’re going to college, right?  Right???

Roommates

My freshman rooming experience was unique – I had a single.  On the one hand, it was great having my own space.  On the other, it was harder to meet new people flying solo.  As you’ll come to realize, with college living situations, there are always trade-offs.  Roommate experiences are notorious for running the gamut from fabulous-I’ve-just-met-my-new-best-friend to absolutely-awful-I’d-rather-die-than-spend-another-day-with-this-slob. 

Worst case scenario?  You live with her for a year and then move out.  Or sometimes slightly sooner.  Krystal says that she was expecting her new roommate “to be a lot like me – cute, bubbly bouncy blonde.”  It wasn’t the different hair color that pushed her over the edge, however.  It was the boyfriend—who never left.  It was the sex—while she was in the room.  It was the roommate’s sister and her sister’s boyfriend—having sex on Krystal’s bed. “I paid $1500 to move out early,” she sighs. “It was worth it.”

Or you could get really lucky, like Andra Tauto, a recent Georgetown graduate, who instantly bonded with her randomly selected freshman year roommate – so much so that they shared a room together for all four years of college.

Still, the odds are you won’t get a roommate like Krystal’s – or like Andra’s.

You could have the type of roommate Kaitlin Hermann, a recent graduate of Syracuse University, did, a girl whom she describes as “very friendly, from Texas, kinda dorky.”  They got along, but Kaitlin says that she quickly became quite motherly.  “She would leave post-its on my computer with the daily temperature and what I should wear – like, take your fluffy jacket and hat.  There were times that she did my laundry.  She’d call me and ask where I was, when I was coming home, that sort of thing.”  Annoying?  Maybe.  But in the college roommate lottery, drawing a wannabe-mom as your roomie isn’t that bad.

No matter who you end up with, you’ll learn to negotiate living in such close proximity to another human being.  That’s not always easy, and as Adrianne says, “I’ll admit that not having a lot of space is difficult.”  More than anything, the key to having a positive roommate experience is being considerate.  “When you’re living so close with someone it’s important to listen to and respect one another,” Adrianne says.

Roommate Reality: Tips for Staying Sane in a Small Space

1)    Don’t expect her to be your best friend.  She may very well end up as one of them, but if not, there are hundreds of other girls out there.  There’s no use trying to force a close friendship if it’s not there – focus your attention elsewhere.
2)    Make her your wingwoman.  How much easier is it to meet new people when you have someone by your side?  Freshman year roommates, if good for nothing else, ensure you have someone to eat with in the cafeteria.  Thank god for that.
3)    Go above and beyond being sweet and considerate.  Yep, this is the part that requires work.  “Be patient with your roommates,” advises Clancy McCarty, a sophomore at NYU, “because even the littlest things get so annoying, but they aren’t worth fighting over.”
4)    Having problems?  Get out of the room.  I don’t mean move out – although that’s always a possibility for the truly bad situations.  Go to the library (at Georgetown it was one of the best places to socialize.  I rarely got work done there), hang out in your cool friends’ dorm rooms, find a coffee house you like, or join an activity that requires a lot of time.  Sound extreme?  Hardly.  Some of the best freshman experiences come from those who had the worst roommates – literally forcing them to take part in the campus community.  A fabulously active first year with tons of friends?  Not a bad silver lining to the cloud of the Roommate from Hell.

Friends

Friends are the bedrock of any college experience – and odds are they’ll stay with you long after you’ve left campus life behind.  With the occasional exception, the friends that you make your freshman year are the ones you’re most likely to keep throughout your years in school.

“My best friend through college was someone I met in class first semester freshman year,” says Krystal.  Kaitlin agrees, “I made my core group freshman year – I lived with the same girl for two and a half years.”

Orientation time and the first few weeks of college are critical to the bonding experience.  In other words, the harder you try to be outgoing at the beginning, the easier it is – groups have a tendency to solidify as fall goes on.

Nneya Richards, a sophomore at Amherst College, remembers that it was “sooo easy [to meet people] during orientation week.”  But as time went on, she found, “my dorm formed it's own little clique and sucked other people in with our tightness.”

Adrianne agrees, “Friends were a lot easier to make than I expected.  During freshman orientation, no one knew each other so it was quite common to just go up to someone and introduce yourself.”  Don’t worry if you’re not the biggest extrovert.  “I wasn’t exactly that outgoing in high school,” Adrianne continues, “but knowing that everyone’s in the same boat makes it pretty easy to meet people.”

Most college students are surprised at the increased diversity of their friendships – well beyond race or ethnicity.  Different towns!  Different socioeconomic backgrounds!  Different life experiences and interests!

“Students are here from all over the world,” Adrianne explains, “You have the opportunity to be friends with people who have much different histories and life experiences than your own.  It’s part of what makes college so interesting.”

Coco Francini, a sophomore at the University of Pennsylvania, agrees, “It’s really cool to meet people from different places and see how similar you are to them. I thought I would hang out with people from home but my close friends are people from all over the US and even the UK.” 

Put in a little effort, and you’ll be shocked at how the number and depth of your friendships. “I didn't expect to make as close friends as fast as I did but I have and I love it,” Nneya says.

Enjoy it – there’s nothing like sleeping, eating and living within walking distance to all your best buds.

Social Scene

Almost without exception, you can expect the following of your new college social life: more people, more alcohol, more socializing.

Does that necessarily mean Old School type drunken frat parties?  Not usually.  Although you’ll definitely run into those types of events – it’s almost impossible not to!  Depending upon your campus’ proclivities, you may spend your time at house parties, dorm rooms, the apartments of upper-classmen or yes, Greek bashes.

Whichever way you go, there are a ton of alternatives, but be aware, says Coco, “it’s easy to be pulled into a social scene where you see the same people every night.”  Try going to places where you don’t know everyone, she suggests.  After all, the more people you meet, the more interesting events and happenings you’ll discover around campus – enriching your collegiate experience in all sorts of ways.

Needless to say, your freshman year will inevitably include more alcohol.  A lot more.  You may not have touched the stuff in high school – or maybe you’re quite familiar with it.  Either way, get used to the smell, because odds are you’ll be around it for the next four years.  Is it true that there are other, more sober activities you could engage in?  Yes, absolutely.  And you will.  But it would be a lie to say that you won’t feel the influence of drinking a great deal.

“In college there is much more liquor around and it’s much easier to drink,” says Adrianne. The good part? “I don’t have to worry about driving or finding excuses for my parents.”  Coco puts it more bluntly, “You can drink every night but you have to limit yourself (which I am slowly learning).”

Limitations, drinking, and freshmen don’t always go together – but the sooner you learn that, the better.  You’re probably going to be holding your new best friend’s hair as she pukes into the toilet; she’ll do the same for you.  Happens to all of us, live and learn and next time, remember this favorite collegiate adage: Beer before liquor, never sicker … liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.  If all else fails, drink lots and lots of water.

Guys

Read this very carefully, ladies: There will never – NEVER – be a time in your life when meeting available, intelligent, good-looking, interesting and single men is easier than in COLLEGE.

No excuses!!!  If you don’t want to date, fine.  But don’t dare say that there aren’t any guys to date – because there are.

“The guys here are smarter and nicer than your average high school boy,” Adrianne says, “There aren’t the logistical difficulties of dating in college that I had in high school (i.e. parents, transportation, etc.).”  Your only problem should be finding the time to fit them all in!

Of course, along with the fun, excitement and general pleasure, men have a tendency to bring complications, confusion, and oh yes, occasional (maybe not as occasional as we would like) crying.  Treat college boys like a very hot cup of coffee: carefully.  And feel free to have as many cups as you want – to a point!  It’s easy to go overboard when with such male abundance, “there have been waaay too many guys,” Nneya admits, “and I've been a little out of control!”

Three Essential Dating Caveats I Wish I Had Known My Freshman Year

1) Do NOT, under any circumstances, let a high school relationship segue into a long distance college romance.  I know, I know.  You’re not going to listen to me – or any of the other 5 gazillion girls who’ve done the exact same thing, only to end it in January (right after winter break, of course) and kick themselves for wasting the whole first semester pining away for their now-so-over love.  Do yourself a favor: end it now!!!
2) Hook up with whomever you like, but think VERY, very carefully about doing so within the first two or three weeks of your freshman year.  I know, the guy next door is smokin’ and you want him now.  But he’ll be there all year long, darling, and let me tell ya, your reputation might not be.  It’s the cold, hard reality of college life.  A girl friend of mine from Georgetown is still remembered for sleeping with a lacrosse player in the communal showers on the second day of her freshman year.  Don’t be that girl.  Sleep with a guy in the shower on the fifth week and no one will notice.  … Well, probably.
3) Date around!  Notice, I didn’t say “sleep around.”  Expect more from college men, and they’ll rise to the challenge.  They think getting you a beer from the keg is enough to woo you?  Nice try!  Make them take you to dinner, a football game, god, even the library.  And by the way, there’s no rule that you can’t casually date more than one guy at the same time: I recommend it!

Academics: Wait – We Have to Study, too?

In the midst of this exhilarating environment, with new friends, parties, and dating to endlessly occupy your time, it may come as a shock that you actually have to, um, study now and then.

“I didn't really think about work when I was coming to college,” Coco admits, “I was surprised when I had to actually do it.”

It’s hard to tell exactly how challenging college will be academically.  Natalie Portman said of her first year at Harvard, “I expected it to be like the hardest week in high school.”  She concluded that it was even harder than that.  Nneya agrees, “I did not expect it to be as much work as it has been.”

Other students have drastically diverse opinions on the subject. “The workload is far more manageable than I expected,” says Adrianne. “It’s challenging, but not to the point of being overly-stressful.”

Some professors may have higher standards, others may challenge you less than your high school teachers.  Students agree on one thing, however, that personal responsibility will determine whether you ace your courses, or squeak by with a C.

“Your performance in college depends solely on your motivation,” explains Coco, “There is no one to remind you to go to class or reprimand you for not keeping on top of the material.”

The upside?  Expect less busy work and more classmates who are more involved and interested in the material.  “I feel like I’m surrounded by people who are more my equals academically and intellectually,” says Adrianne, “They’re also much more politically and globally aware than my classmates in high school.”

Krystal agrees, “College students are more driven than high school students – they actually want to learn. You have a more elite, intellectual group.”

***

In the end, there really isn’t one thing to expect from college, except that you’ll have a unique opportunity to re-invent yourself … or just become more you.

While this may be your first chance to experience the freedom of making your own decisions – it certainly won’t be your last.  Yes, the new environment and the changes it brings about can be disorienting – but ultimately so satisfying.

The reality is this: you’re going to feel alone. You’re going to feel confused.  You’re going to be stressed.

You’re also going to have the best time you’ve ever had.  You’ll make some of your closest friends – ever.  Odds are you’ll have at least one great love affair, or barring that, a lot of really good times with a member of the opposite sex.  Not always clothed.

You have an incredible opportunity to do whatever you want – within reason – for the next four years.  The real question is – what is it that you want?  If you consider that question carefully and make your choices accordingly – even if you change your mind about the answer – you won’t regret a thing.

Above all, know this: in one year’s time, you will not recognize yourself.  And you’ll love it.  I promise.