First date tips for guys
FIRST DATE TIPS FOR GUYS
AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"
NOVEMBER 7, 2005
BY JULIA ALLISON
Every first date I've ever gone on, I've analyzed with a thoroughness that would make Freud proud. Was he on time? Did he graciously pay the check? Were there any significant mother issues we'd need to resolve in couples therapy down the line?
I'm not unique in my propensity towards anal retentiveness when it comes to men's behavior on first dates – a lot of ladies are just as bad. Or maybe they're just as good! After all, New York women have a limited amount of time and (despite the clichés to the contrary) a large pool of potential men from which to choose. It's just more efficient to be picky.
That's why first date behavior is so important. While it may understandable to make an unplanned misstep – say, taking her to her ex's favorite bar – it's unacceptable and downright stupid to violate certain codes of First Date Ethics. After all, says my friend Judy, "the first date is when the majority of women will decide whether they'll sleep with you at some point (yet to be determined) in the future."
How's THAT for incentive?
Since everyone needs a reminder now and again, here's a cheat sheet for men on how to get it right the first time:
1) You're male? You pay. It may seem unfair, but why risk looking rude – or worse (at least in New York), cheap? Given that this is a deal breaker for so many women, it's smarter not to take the chance. Unless you never want to see her again, in which case, by all means, take the chance!
2) New York men have an inferiority-superiority complex (I just made that up, but go with me here). They're important and rich! But the next guy is more important and richer. So they feel the need to assert their status by boasting about their "awesome SoHo loft" or their recent Wall St bonus or how they flew on P. Diddy's helicopter (a guy once told me that. Sweet, let's make out!) On your first date, try to quash that tendency, at least for a few hours.
3) Do not underestimate your alcohol consumption so you either throw up on us/yourself or claim not to remember anything the next morning. Please. Unless you go to NYU or another city university, in which case, fine, because it's very cool not to remember things in college. ("Dude, you remember last night?" "Not at ALL!" "Awesome.")
4) Don't more than briefly mention your ex. Ever.
5) Don't even THINK about describing your desire for certain sexual encounters. My friend Catherine was once informed by a date that he would "love to do a threesome with her and that hot girl over there at the bar." All he got was a one-some with himself later that evening.
6) Don't eat the garnish. Honestly, some mistakes just can't be salvaged …
How's THAT for incentive?
Since everyone needs a reminder now and again, here's a cheat sheet for men on how to get it right the first time:
1) You're male? You pay. It may seem unfair, but why risk looking rude – or worse (at least in New York), cheap? Given that this is a deal breaker for so many women, it's smarter not to take the chance. Unless you never want to see her again, in which case, by all means, take the chance!
2) New York men have an inferiority-superiority complex (I just made that up, but go with me here). They're important and rich! But the next guy is more important and richer. So they feel the need to assert their status by boasting about their "awesome SoHo loft" or their recent Wall St bonus or how they flew on P. Diddy's helicopter (a guy once told me that. Sweet, let's make out!) On your first date, try to quash that tendency, at least for a few hours.
3) Do not underestimate your alcohol consumption so you either throw up on us/yourself or claim not to remember anything the next morning. Please. Unless you go to NYU or another city university, in which case, fine, because it's very cool not to remember things in college. ("Dude, you remember last night?" "Not at ALL!" "Awesome.")
4) Don't more than briefly mention your ex. Ever.
5) Don't even THINK about describing your desire for certain sexual encounters. My friend Catherine was once informed by a date that he would "love to do a threesome with her and that hot girl over there at the bar." All he got was a one-some with himself later that evening.
6) Don't eat the garnish. Honestly, some mistakes just can't be salvaged …