COED MAGAZINE
JANUARY 2006
BY JULIA ALLISON
The focus of the average male’s college education is three-pronged: 1) Maintain nocturnal hours so as to sleep easily during class. 2) Master the art of beer pong. 3) Get laid as often as possible.
The third, of course, causes the most trouble (although depending on your level of intoxication, beer pong can be tricky too), especially for those men who aren’t, well, traditional studs.
Neil Strauss is one of those men – or he was, at least. Author of “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists,” Strauss is arguably the most unlikely pickup artist you’d ever meet. He’s a self-described “lump of nerd,” who, true to stereotype, happens to be bald, short and “so skinny that I look malnourished to most people.” (Damn, I wish I had that problem!)
Strauss admits he was “dateless” in high school, and after deciding to go to Vassar College (“for the male-female ratio”), he still couldn’t get a girlfriend. Although he later transferred to Columbia, he graduated to become a journalist - not exactly the kind of profession that lends itself to hot groupies. So how is it that for three years he managed to attract and sleep with any woman he wanted, finally landing the tall, blonde, guitarist in Courtney Love’s band as his girlfriend?
He’s managed it because he mastered the science of seduction. And yes, it is a science, not just a bevy of hackneyed pick up lines. Strauss trained with the best pick up gurus in the world, read thousands of pieces of literature, and embarked on a two year, in-depth behavioral study of what women really respond to – not what they say they respond to (yes, there is definitely a difference).
That Strauss was blisteringly victorious in his quest is not so surprising to me – that’s what happens when intelligent, dorky men redirect their efforts from mastering Dungeons & Dragons to determining how to snag and shag women most effectively. What is surprising is that so many other men have no idea that they can be just as successful – despite any number of “disadvantages” (height, weight, bad fraternity, lazy eye, whatever).
So, because I feel that No Guy should be Left Behind, I’m going to give you a crib sheet from Neil on how to be a playa. And by “playa” I mean a woman-loving stud-a-thon barely able to rip the girls away so you can take a leak in peace. Yeah, that kind of playa!
First and foremost, college men “need to understand attraction and social dynamics,” Struass says. “Often, the things we’ve been taught and our logic fail us – attraction can be extremely counter-intuitive.” In other words, stop doing what you’ve always done. Stop buying the beer, telling her she’s attractive, and in any way making it obvious you want to sleep with her. Of COURSE you want to sleep with her! She’s female! You’re male! You’re drunk!
The worst thing you can do is to hit on a good-looking woman with the blatant premise that you want sex with her. Attractive college girls are arguably the most desired human beings in the world (right after the sorority of T&A who grace the pages of Maxim and Stuff) – they’re so used to men hitting on them, telling them they’re hot, buying them drinks, dinner and expensive footwear, it just rolls off their very pretty backs.
In response, women snub a lot of well-meaning guys when they try to buy them a drink or get their number. But it’s not that they’re bitches – they’re not. They just have to be selective because they can’t sleep with everyone. So you have to stand out; you have to prove to her that you, “a nobody,” have something she wants. One tip? Give her a backhanded compliment – “a neg,” in Strauss terms. Say: “Nice hair – is it real?” “Awesome teeshirt – did your grandma give it to you?” or “Do you always wear so much makeup?”
The trick is to make it sound playful while at the same time indicating to her that her boner-inducing beauty doesn’t register with you. You want to make her feel a bit uncomfortable, a little insecure, but not angry. After that, she’ll be eagerly trying to win you over.
And get over looks – that is, your own looks. “Women are more attracted to status,” Strauss argues (and I can tell you, from the perspective of a female, he’s correct). “And status isn’t about money or fame - it’s a set of behaviors.”
What kind of behaviors? Although Strauss cautions that you “need a lot more than a few good moves,” he did emphasize a few highly constructive guidelines.
Some Don’ts:
- Don’t buy her a drink. You shouldn’t have to pay for her time.
- Don’t hit on her right away. Start a conversation with a fun, entertaining question and make sure you include her friends in the conversation. (See sidebar for examples.)
- Don’t start the conversation with words like “excuse me” or “I’m sorry but,” because then you sound like a beggar.
- Don’t ignore her friends and only hit on her. If you can win her friends over, you’ll win her over.
- Don’t hesitate to approach. Follow the three-second rule, which means you have three seconds to go up to her. If you stare too long, not only will she start to think you’re a creep, but you’ll get nervous and psych yourself out.
A few Dos:
- Always maintain an attitude that one of the pickup gurus, David D’Angelo, calls cocky/funny. Act as if you’re the most attractive guy on campus but, at the same time, don’t take yourself seriously at all. No matter what you look like, constantly accuse women of just using you for your body and treating you like a piece of meat – even if they’re just asking for notes from yesterday’s class.
- When you approach a group of women, tell them how long you’re going to stay (“not long”) – time constraints ease the awkwardness of meeting strangers. From that point forward your goal is to display enough personality that they’ll want you to stick around anyway.
- Try to spend as much time as possible in the company of women, so that other women think you have something going on.
All of this works. I promise.
While some women may look askance at a book about the methodology that enables nerds to land 10s, I, for one, fully approve of Strauss’ strategies. There’s nothing wrong with not-quite-male-models finally getting the balls to talk to women they had previously considered “out of their league.” It’s the Playa’s Horatio Alger story.
Of course, now you have no more excuses for your “dry-streak” – get out there!