Quick and dirty snooping online
QUICK AND DIRTY SNOOPING ONLINE
AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"
MARCH 27,2006
BY JULIA ALLISON
I am an inveterate, brazen and unrepentant dating snooper.
Actually, in the Age of Google-as-a-Verb, most of us are. We don't think of ourselves like this – but snooping (at least electronically) is no longer considered taboo. It's just assumed that hours after meeting someone you're interested in, you'll type their name into various search engines, followed by MySpace, Friendster and Facebook (and Match.com, Jdate and EHarmony, just in case).
Years ago, we had to rely on more primitive methods to find out essential info on our dates: checking his wallet (Photos of other woman? Different name on ID? Wedding ring?), his medicine cabinet (Prozac? Perfume? Cream for STDs?), or his underwear drawer (Porn? Gay Porn?). Yikes.
I still believe that real-world snooping has its place (we'll cover that next week), but in the meantime, you can rely on the growing range and influence of virtual methods for gathering information on your partner. Or your exes. Or their exes.
You can guess his password and check his e-mail (by far the most fun, although the password-guessing thing is hard).
You can dig up his driving convictions, criminal record, marriage certificates, and oh, child support payments (whoa).
"Maybe your daughter has a new suitor, and you worry there may be a checkered past," says one online detective service. Nice. Dad no longer needs a shotgun to scare the crap out of young men, just a T-1 line.
But why wait for your father to let you know that Perfect Boyfriend actually has several DUIs and a credit report that would scare Michael Milken?
Do it yourself, and you'll avoid the fate of one of my friends, who took five months to find out that her boyfriend saying "we're separated and living in two different homes" meant "I happen to own two homes with my wife, from whom I'm not actually separated in any way." Oops.
Nothing a little armchair detective work wouldn't have uncovered.
For the lazier (or cheaper) snoopers amongst us, I highly recommend Amazon.com's Wish List. Just type in a first and last name to see what books / DVDs / scurrilous materials come up. "Doom – The Ultimate Collector's Edition"? Ugh, loser. Seven different diet and self-help books, sanctioned by Oprah? At least you know what you're up against. "How to Marry a Multi-Millionaire: the Ultimate Guide to High Net Worth Dating"? Run! Run!!!
It won't yield the type of hard-core info that an online background check would, but it might help you judiciously fill in the holes. Furthermore, it's by far the easiest snooping to explain away, if need be. You were going to buy them a gift, obviously. So what if her birthday is 8 months from now? You don't need an occasion to buy her love (or the book she requested, "How to Cheat and Get Away With It!").
Some people find such activity unconscionable. "Snooping is just unethical," a certain prominent New York gossip columnist sputtered to me the other day. "It signifies control issues and a lack of trust." The irony doesn't escape me (He's a gossip columnist! Snooping is his job!!), but I must respectfully disagree.
Probably due to biology (isn't it always?), our natural curiosity about the world is magnified a thousand-fold when dating.
Still, you don't have to suspect your crush of being an illegal alien with a burgeoning Colombian cocaine business to desire more information about him. You might just be interested in what he does in his spare time.
But if his MySpace profile mentions skiing, you're outta there.
I still believe that real-world snooping has its place (we'll cover that next week), but in the meantime, you can rely on the growing range and influence of virtual methods for gathering information on your partner. Or your exes. Or their exes.
You can guess his password and check his e-mail (by far the most fun, although the password-guessing thing is hard).
You can dig up his driving convictions, criminal record, marriage certificates, and oh, child support payments (whoa).
"Maybe your daughter has a new suitor, and you worry there may be a checkered past," says one online detective service. Nice. Dad no longer needs a shotgun to scare the crap out of young men, just a T-1 line.
But why wait for your father to let you know that Perfect Boyfriend actually has several DUIs and a credit report that would scare Michael Milken?
Do it yourself, and you'll avoid the fate of one of my friends, who took five months to find out that her boyfriend saying "we're separated and living in two different homes" meant "I happen to own two homes with my wife, from whom I'm not actually separated in any way." Oops.
Nothing a little armchair detective work wouldn't have uncovered.
For the lazier (or cheaper) snoopers amongst us, I highly recommend Amazon.com's Wish List. Just type in a first and last name to see what books / DVDs / scurrilous materials come up. "Doom – The Ultimate Collector's Edition"? Ugh, loser. Seven different diet and self-help books, sanctioned by Oprah? At least you know what you're up against. "How to Marry a Multi-Millionaire: the Ultimate Guide to High Net Worth Dating"? Run! Run!!!
It won't yield the type of hard-core info that an online background check would, but it might help you judiciously fill in the holes. Furthermore, it's by far the easiest snooping to explain away, if need be. You were going to buy them a gift, obviously. So what if her birthday is 8 months from now? You don't need an occasion to buy her love (or the book she requested, "How to Cheat and Get Away With It!").
Some people find such activity unconscionable. "Snooping is just unethical," a certain prominent New York gossip columnist sputtered to me the other day. "It signifies control issues and a lack of trust." The irony doesn't escape me (He's a gossip columnist! Snooping is his job!!), but I must respectfully disagree.
Probably due to biology (isn't it always?), our natural curiosity about the world is magnified a thousand-fold when dating.
Still, you don't have to suspect your crush of being an illegal alien with a burgeoning Colombian cocaine business to desire more information about him. You might just be interested in what he does in his spare time.
But if his MySpace profile mentions skiing, you're outta there.