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HELP YOUR FRIENDS HELP YOU
AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"
FEBRUARY 19, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON

I love matchmakers. I love the idea of it ­ setting people up and watching them fall in love. I love the people who do it ­-- the clucking yentas and the sleek Alicia Silverstone types and all of the amateurs in between. I've even tried it; I'm 0 for 37. Yes, I suck.

Susan Shapiro doesn't. With 12 marriages, seven long term relationships and about 500 we-totally-hit-it-off dates under her extroverted belt, the author of 'Secrets of a Fix-Up Fanatic: How to Meet and Marry Your Match' doesn't do it for the money. She does it for the karma.

Oh yeah... and because it works. "Having a comrade, co-worker, or cousin you love set you up for free is the oldest, cheapest, fastest, safest, and nicest route to landing love," she explains.

Shapiro calls it 'Postmodern Matchmaking.' There's no need to use a 'professional'--just log off of Match.com, call up your friends, bosses, co-workers, and sisters, and tell them to SET YOU UP ALREADY.

Don't ask in a roundabout way ­ like, "what's that cute friend of yours up to lately?" Spell. It. Out.

"I want a relationship. Do you know any suitable, not-psychotic, not-married-or-known-for-philandering-and/or-tax-evasion candidates in the tri-state area?" They'll get the hint.

"People are often better with other people's lives than their own," says Shapiro. "The moment you make the decision to share your desire for a mate, the world will conspire to help you."

So maybe they can't think of anyone--that instant. No worries, says Shaprio. "Just tell them, 'keep me in mind if you come across anyone single who you think is special.'"

Whatever you do, don't burden your new (free) matchmaker with an exhaustive list of your demanding criteria ('his name must be John and he must be at least 3.5 inches taller, and have a net worth of $2.5 million and contribute the full amount to his 401 K, and be half Jewish but only on his mother's side'). Come on.

Ask any happily married people you know and I guarantee 90% of them will say that their partner didn't fit their 'checklist.' In fact, the characteristics we often swear are dealbreakers frequently turn out not to be. And vice versa!

"It's not the most beautiful, successful, richest or youngest singles who click with their matches the fastest and have the best marriages," says Shapiro. "It's the people who are the most open-minded, willing to bend, grow, change, take lemons and make lemonade ­-- even if they'd prefer vodka."

Despite everything, "sometimes it just boils down to a numbers game," Shapiro admits.

It's what I always say about taking photos --­ take 10 and you'll get 1 you really like. The dating odds are even stiffer --­ for every 20 singles you meet, you might find one with whom you click.

Then again, it only takes one!

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SKIP THE HATING ON VALENTINE'S DAY
AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"
FEBRUARY 12, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON

Last week I received an e-mail from a reader named Maria, who wrote that Valentine's Day made her "want to vomit." She and most of her friends were single, she explained, and they found it "gross how people try to have a booty call or boyfriend" just in time for this particular holiday.

She ended her missive with a plea: "Is there any way you could write something not cheesy but not so bashing for this time of year?" Hmmm. Not cheesy but not so bashing. That's a fine line to walk, Miss Maria.

Personally, I have always loved and continue to love Valentine¹s Day. It's not that I've had such mind-blowing romantic experiences -- I spent one February 14th eating frosting out of a can by myself. Doesn't matter! I'm still a fan.

In fact, the idea that anyone could get cranky about a holiday created to celebrate love is beyond me. What's with the pent-up rage? The bitterness?

The cynicism? Complain all you want about 'commercialization,' but there's nothing wrong with a reminder to treat the loved ones in our lives with a little bit of extra care and consideration, and sure, some flowers and a card too.

According to a Telefora survey, 79% of Americans consider themselves 'romantic' -- and yet, during 2006, 48% didn't send flowers, 66% neglected to write a love letter, 42% didn't plan a romantic holiday, and 32% didn't cook a romantic meal.

How sweet of us. Despite the whining, it seems like we do need a date on the calendar to jog our romantic memories. And really, why complain about it?

There are so many other things to criticize in this world.

If you're grumbling because you don't have a significant other, there are plenty of other people in your life who might appreciate a Valentine's Day celebration -- your best friend, your sister, your grandmother -- even yourself.

On my Valentine's Day list? A cute red or pink iPod, Laura Mercier coconut body scrub, Molton Brown rose hand lotion and an enormous bouquet of roses.

And no, despite trendy rumblings of the 'roses are cheesy' crowd, no woman is ever, ever upset at receiving a bouquet.

As for a love letter, forget the Duane-Reade Hallmark cards and don¹t even THINK about sending an e-mail. Instead, go down to Kate's Paperie or Papyrus and find something really beautiful and unique, then actually write on it. You know, with a pen.

While you're at it, send a Valentine to the people who most deserve to hear you say 'I love you' - your mom and dad. Aww.

Happy Valentine's Day.

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GOING FOR THE BEST VALENTINE'S DAY EVER
AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"
FEBRUARY 5, 2007
BY JULIA ALLISON

No holiday so polarizes the American public quite like Valentine's Day.

Arousing both derision and delight (sometimes simultaneously), we can't quite figure out whether we love or hate it. Is it a sweet chance to celebrate romance or yet another occasion designed to pressure anxious men, bolstering Hallmark's bottom line?

"It's pointless," says Sean, 25, "because there's an inherent need to be the best at gift giving. Either you're trying to beat what the last dude gave her, or you're trying to top yourself from last year."

Not to mention, he adds, "it's always an uphill battle. You can't give her a diamond ring one year and a teddy bear from Duane Reade the next. You have to top the diamond ring!"

Hmm. Beating, topping, being better at -- why is it men always make everything into a competition?

Or maybe that¹s the right way to look at it. In the wake of the Super Bowl, perhaps men would enjoy Valentine's Day more if they made it into a competitive sport.

To that end, men, listen up: think of this year as the First Annual Best Valentine's Day EVER Contest.

Need some suggestions? I asked a few hundred readers about their 'best ever' Valentine's Day gifts, and here's what they said:

"The best gift ever? Being driven to an airport and you don't know where you're going, packing the bare essentials with just one hint of where you¹re headed," says Mike Errico, editor in chief of Blender.com.

I second Mike on this one ­-- and I promise she won't care where she's going, as long as it's warm, sunny, and paid for.

Other Best Gifts Ever?

One guy gave his girlfriend a pair of love birds ('obviously with the cage!'). Other men cited slightly more unconventional gifts as their favorites.

"Stacks of 85% cocoa chocolate," "ice cream," "a plastic cricket in an applesauce jar," "home baked gingerbread man," "a subscription to Maxim," and "Tweety Bird balloon and a basket of sugar cookies."

And yes, I got the inevitable male favorite response: "sex" (and various permutations on it), but to counter that, at least one fellow answered that the best gift he had ever given or received was "love."

Aww. See? It doesn't take that much to make a woman swoon.

In fact, Judith, 66, says she still remembers the Valentine's Day when her then-boyfriend, out of town for the holiday, told her to go read Rupert Brooke¹s poem 'The Great Lover.'

"So I go off to the library chanting, 'He loves me! He loves me!'" she says.

"Some 45 years later it can still knock my socks off."

It may not be that hard to win the competition for Best Valentine's Day Gift Ever after all.

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