I love matchmakers. I love the idea of it ­ setting people up and watching them fall in love. I love the people who do it ­-- the clucking yentas and the sleek Alicia Silverstone types and all of the amateurs in between. I've even tried it; I'm 0 for 37. Yes, I suck.

Susan Shapiro doesn't. With 12 marriages, seven long term relationships and about 500 we-totally-hit-it-off dates under her extroverted belt, the author of 'Secrets of a Fix-Up Fanatic: How to Meet and Marry Your Match' doesn't do it for the money. She does it for the karma.

Continue reading "Help Your Friends Help You" »

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Last week I received an e-mail from a reader named Maria, who wrote that Valentine's Day made her "want to vomit." She and most of her friends were single, she explained, and they found it "gross how people try to have a booty call or boyfriend" just in time for this particular holiday.

She ended her missive with a plea: "Is there any way you could write something not cheesy but not so bashing for this time of year?" Hmmm. Not cheesy but not so bashing. That's a fine line to walk, Miss Maria.

Continue reading "Skip the Hating on Valentine's Day" »

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No holiday so polarizes the American public quite like Valentine's Day.

Arousing both derision and delight (sometimes simultaneously), we can't quite figure out whether we love or hate it. Is it a sweet chance to celebrate romance or yet another occasion designed to pressure anxious men, bolstering Hallmark's bottom line?

Continue reading "Going for the Best Valentine's Day EVER" »

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The truth is, I haven't been to the gym in over six months; my membership got cancelled in August, along with The (Ex) Boyfriend. And yet the number on the scale today is finally ­-- FINALLY ­-- the same as it was when I first moved to New York a little over two years ago. What happened?

Only the most effective weight loss strategy in the history of the world: the Break Up Diet.

Continue reading "Dropping Pounds Along with an Ex" »

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Since 1960, Playboy’s Advisor column has promised to answer “all reasonable questions from fashion, food and drink, stereo and sports cars to dating dilemmas, taste and etiquette.” However, this is Playboy, and despite the magazine’s dogged insistence that “a person interested only in sex isn’t very interesting,” most of their readers are very interested in sex indeed.

Continue reading "Chatting Up Playboy's Sexpert" »

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Last year at this time, I recommended that my readers overhaul their "dating modus operandi" -- put an end to the same-old, same-old romantic blahs and try something completely unprecedented.

For some reason, a disproportionate percentage of my male readers took that to mean they should attempt a 2006 menage a trois. Sigh.

Continue reading "Wild or Chaste in 2007?" »

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One Christmas, almost a decade ago, my then-18-year-old-boyfriend surprised me with a large, unwieldy package.

Enthusiastically I tore off the crudely taped snowman wrapping paper and giant red bow to reveal … a mounted deer head. Yes. You read that correctly: A mounted deer head.

Continue reading "Not-So-Romantic Holiday Gifts" »

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This being my first holiday season spent single in several years, a thought occurred to me as I listened to Christmas music sans significant other last weekend. The thought was: "This sucks."

I really liked the idea of being single when I had it back in August. Going on first dates (even unmitigated bombs) amused me; there was no pressure to have a late summer or early fall evening filled entirely with love. Lust -- or a good war story ("And then he humped my leg! No. Seriously.") -- would suffice.

Continue reading "Single and Blue for the Holidays" »

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This Thanksgiving, we should all give thanks --­ to our exes.

Thanks for the jewelry! Thanks for the therapy bills! Thanks for the chlamydia!

Continue reading "Give Thanks to the Ones You're NOT With" »

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DONT WANNA DATE ME? NOW I'M HOOKED
AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"
NOVEMBER 13, 2006
BY JULIA ALLISON

A few weeks ago, a guy who had once eagerly asked me out sent me an e-mail with a shockingly straightforward missive: "I'm just not that into you."

In the three months since I've been single, I've gotten several rejections, all for disparate reasons. Oddly, my response to each of them has been identical -- previously uninterested, I was hooked. I wanted them all to fall madly in love with me and propose in Vegas, preferably next week.

Continue reading "Don't Wanna Date Me? Now I'm Hooked" »

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You know that one friend who whines constantly about her love life, repeatedly asks for your advice, and then invariably refuses to take it?

Alyssa Shelasky is not that friend.

Continue reading "Spilling the Secret to Meeting Guys" »

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"Being a maid would have enhanced my chances with men. Guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to."
-- Maureen Dowd, 'Are Men Necessary?' (2005)

Continue reading "Gentlemen prefer brains?" »

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My mom is not the 'matchmaker type.'

The first ­ and last ­ time I asked her to set me up, she looked at me like I had just suggested she foot the bill for a Trump Tower apartment. Preferably a penthouse.

Continue reading "Matchmaking Moms: Cute or Pathetic?" »

Posted by JA at 09:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

To say I'm not a sports fan is a bit of an understatement. Besides consistently (and predictably) being picked last in gym class, I managed to live in Chicago during the Bulls 'peat-a-thon and never attend a game, and I didn't know who Terrell Owens was until last week. (Does that mean it's football season?)

In other words, dating a sports fanatic is my worst nightmare.

Continue reading "Waking up to the Wide World of Sports" »

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The funny thing about being single again is that all my eagerness to go on first dates has been rapidly replaced by the realization that these events are only valuable insomuch as they provide me with a ridiculous story to tell.

Since I'm a big fan of ridiculous stories (note my career choice), I have no problem with such dates. I happily subscribe to the philosophy espoused by my friend, the comedian and professional recovering frat-boy Aaron Karo -- AFS: Anything For a Story.

Continue reading "First Date Follies" »

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If you're one of the 95 million Americans who stubbornly refuse to join in wedded bliss, the commemorative holiday you've been feverishly anticipating is finally here.

That's right, spouse-less slackers, it's NATIONAL UNMARRIED AND SINGLE AMERICANS WEEK!

Continue reading "Party of One" »

Posted by JA at 09:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Last week, in preparation for the upcoming change in seasons, I lugged 20 pounds of women's magazines home with me for a Fall Fashion read-in.

Swollen and unwieldy with the traditional glut of September ad pages, the massive Elle, enormous Glamour, and truly elephantine Vogue all trumpeted their opinions on what I "must wear" this autumn:

Continue reading "What Men Want (Women to Wear)" »

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Last week, I told an old friend of mine about my recent break up with The (Ex) Boyfriend. "Where are you living now?" he asked. "Um … same place, with the ex," I sheepishly answered. "WHAT?" he sputtered.

Er, yes. It's been three weeks since we split – and I'm expected to clear out already? This is Manhattan! That's impossible!

Continue reading "Refurbishing my Life" »

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I don't know what kind of response I expected to last week's column on breaking up with The Boyfriend ("Not Yet Ready for Mr. Right"), but it certainly wasn't "your [sic] a dumb ho."

Well, that's one way to put it.

Continue reading "Don't Hate Me Because I'm Single" »

Posted by JA at 09:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

"It's not you, it's me," almost always means "It's DEFINITELY you." But when I broke up with The Boyfriend last week -- at a Jamba Juice, no less (I know, I know. A little tacky. Oops?) -- I really did mean "It's me."

The truth is (note to my editor: please don't fire me for this), I've never been single in New York. In fact, I haven't been single, save a few weeks abutting three consecutive serious relationships, for the past four years.

Continue reading "Not Yet Ready for Mr. Right" »

Posted by JA at 09:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I'm embarrassed to admit that the world's No. 1 cheesiest pick up line – "Hey Baby, what's your sign?" – would actually work on me right now … but only if you really wanted to discuss it.

My current astrology fetish started as a trivial diversion – yet another way to procrastinate studying in college (I majored in Procrastination).

Continue reading "Here's My Sign, Baby" »

Posted by JA at 09:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The Boyfriend and I have spent much of our dating lives in inter-faith relationships -- him with a predilection for Catholics, me leaning towards Jews -- so it seemed very appropriate to take him to see "Jewtopia" for our anniversary last week.

Written and performed by the hysterical team of Bryan Fogel and Sam Wolfson, "Jewtopia," is a brilliant off-Broadway comedic play about inter-faith relationships between Jews and Gentiles. Specifically, it centers on two guy friends -- one Jewish, one Christian -- who each want to date and marry outside of their religion, much to the other's confusion. ("I like Jewish girls," says one. "WHY?" sputters the other incredulously.)

Continue reading "Dating Outside the Tribe" »

Posted by JA at 09:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

There are bad divorces. And then there are really bad divorces.

Blowing up one's marital house pretty much falls into the latter category.

Continue reading "Extreme Divorce: Home Edition" »

Posted by JA at 09:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A few weeks ago, a casting director e-mailed me about a new reality show -- "it's like 'Friends'," she said, "but real." (Wait -- "Friends" wasn't real?) Would I come audition with three of my closest girl friends and three of my closest guy friends?

I thought about it. And then I realized -- I don't have any guy friends. In fact, besides The Boyfriend and a handful of male relatives, the only men currently in my cell phone are either very much work-related or very much my exes.

Continue reading "Friends Without Benefits" »

Posted by JA at 09:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

No one has ever accused Cosmopolitan of being subtle.

So it's not surprising that the latest book from Cosmo's editor in chief, the irrepressible Kate White, sports one of the most gutsy cover designs I've ever seen.

Continue reading "Sex! Tips! from Cosmo" »

Posted by JA at 09:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A journalist sent me an e-mail a few weeks ago, looking for couples who had split but continued to live together, a la "The Break-Up." I snorted and thought, 'Who would be so stupid?? Good luck trying to find people like that, sucker!'

After sending her a dismissive reply, I forgot about it ­ until last week.

Continue reading "Trapped in a Bad Break-Up" »

Posted by JA at 09:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

THIRTEEN SIMPLE RULES FOR DEALING WITH MY DAD
AM NEW YORK – “THE DATING LIFE”
JUNE 19, 2006
BY JULIA ALLISON

My father is not big or tall. He does not own shotguns. And he has never threatened to murder any of my boyfriends with his bare hands.

He doesn’t need bare hands – he’s a lawyer. He cross-examines them to death.

Continue reading "Thirteen Simple Rules for Dealing with my Dad" »

Posted by JA at 09:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The world of dating columnists is a small one, made smaller still by a continual exodus from the field, due to marriage (Amy Sohn), fame (Candace Bushnell) or the inevitable burnout (too many to name).

Bridget Harrison left for the final reason, but she persevered longer than most. Her column in the Sunday New York Post ran for three and a half years, earning the English-born journalist doyenne-status in a profession filled with neophytes.

Continue reading "Ex-Dating Columnist Dishes on Herself and NYC" »

Posted by JA at 09:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Despite my embarrassing devotion to self-improvement and a fondness for makeovers that rivals Tyra Banks, I've always disliked dating-reformation shows.

The hosts tend to be irritating, obsequious and bland, while the so-called "relationship experts" seem more interested in looking good on camera, spewing one-size-fits-all clichés and touting their newest book (in bookstores now!).

Continue reading "Can't Get a date? Yes, You Can" »

Posted by JA at 08:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Continue reading "Getting Hitched - and Announcing It Obnoxiously in the New York Times" »

Posted by Julia Allison at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The dictates of love in this society are clear: you're either monogamous or you're alone.

Faced with options like that, it's no wonder monogamy won as the leading format a long time ago. VHS and Beta at least had a fair fight.

Continue reading "Variations on Monogamy" »

Posted by JA at 08:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Continue reading "Power Is An Aphrodisiac* ...
(But Only If You Have a Y Chromosome)" »

Posted by Julia Allison at 12:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Bonnie Fuller believes in ultimatums. More than 23 years ago, she gave her now-husband a big one: "Either propose in six months or it's over."

That was their third date.

Continue reading "Full'er up: Dating advice from Bonnie" »

Posted by JA at 08:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Women constantly seek improvement ­ of themselves ("Extreme Makeover"), their surroundings ("Extreme Makeover ­ Home Edition"), and of course, their relationships (umm--Dr. Phil?).

Men, on the other hand, won't read the manual until it doesn't work.

Continue reading "Relationship biology: Hard-wired to frustrate?" »

Posted by JA at 08:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Hugh Hefner was just 27 years old when he launched the first issue of Playboy, featuring the iconic Marilyn Monroe shot with "nothing on but the radio."

Sunday--53 years, two marriages, four children and countless girlfriends later--the original Playboy officially became an octogenarian.

Continue reading "Ultimate Playboy Hugh Hefner turns 80" »

Posted by JA at 08:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

There are three kinds of snoopers in this digital age: strictly online, real world, and then there's "Jane."

Jane, a 25-year-old Northwestern graduate who asked that her real name not be used, has a black belt in Snooping, primarily on her boyfriend of almost four years, Ted, a 26-year-old reporter for an Illinois newspaper.

Continue reading "Snooping and Telling" »

Posted by JA at 08:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

QUICK AND DIRTY SNOOPING ONLINE

AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"

MARCH 27,2006

BY JULIA ALLISON

I am an inveterate, brazen and unrepentant dating snooper.

Actually, in the Age of Google-as-a-Verb, most of us are. We don't think of ourselves like this – but snooping (at least electronically) is no longer considered taboo. It's just assumed that hours after meeting someone you're interested in, you'll type their name into various search engines, followed by MySpace, Friendster and Facebook (and Match.com, Jdate and EHarmony, just in case).

Continue reading "Quick and dirty snooping online" »

Posted by JA at 08:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

HOW LONG DO YOU REBOUND?

AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"

MARCH 20, 2006

BY JULIA ALLISON

Both of my roommates recently broke up with their long-term boyfriends, so rebounding flawlessly is our subject du jour.

Ah, Rebound Time (or RT) -- the sometimes gut-wrenching, sometimes gratifying but always cathartic experience after a big break-up. Although I'm a believer in embracing the proper RT for maximum personal growth (I love personal growth), I see women trying to exit that process as quickly as possible, which undermines its positive impact. So just how long should RT be?

Continue reading "How long do you rebound?" »

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TAKING A BREAK FROM THE SAME-OLD

AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"

MARCH 13, 2006

BY JULIA ALLISON

A month ago today, men all over the city were racking their brains for creative ways to woo their women (or at least not totally make them angry) on February 14th. Even if they made it through Valentine's Day unscathed, they're not off the hook; ­after all, men are always expected to coordinate the romance. They do the asking out, they plan and pay for the date, and eventually, they buy the ring and propose.

Like a culture that sells high heels to women but wants their men to be taller, putting males on solo romantic duty is both inane and unfair.

Continue reading "Taking a break from the same-old" »

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WHEN OLDER MEN DATE YOUNGER WOMEN

AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"

FEBRUARY 27, 2006

BY JULIA ALLISON

There are very few things I don't approve of these days – I like gay marriage, birth control, Hillary Clinton and plastic surgery. But I cannot endorse mustaches (hipster or otherwise), VH1's "Celebreality," or older guys dating younger women.

The last is more than a little ironic -- as it happens, tomorrow is my birthday, which means the guy I'm currently dating will "only" be 12 years older than me. Oops

Continue reading "When older men date younger women" »

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DATING ADVICE FROM THE RICH AND FAMOUS

AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"

FEBRUARY 20, 2006

BY JULIA ALLISON

I am an avid reader of self-help books, and by "avid" I mean, "completely obsessed." My bookshelves would scare away anyone NOT holding a master's degree in psychology with a minor in personal-development, and even then, it's dicey.

So when I saw that Paula Froelich had come out with her own celebrity laden motivational tome, I had to have it. Froelich, a veteran scribe for the New York Post's implausibly venerable Page Six gossip column, was "tired of people asking the same damn questions all the time," ostensibly about how to become rich and famous, as her book is entitled, "It! 9 Secrets of the Rich and Famous that Will Take You to the Top."

Continue reading "Dating advice from the rich and famous" »

Posted by JA at 07:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

A VALENTINE'S DAY FOR CHEATERS

AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"

FEBRUARY 13, 2006

BY JULIA ALLISON

Monday is Valentine's Day for cheaters. Or so a friend of mine, one with a long and storied history of infidelity, mentioned to me recently.

This particular friend, who we¹ll call Steve (to protect the guilty), regularly schedules "business dinners" with his various lovers on the day before Valentine's Day, leaving him free to spend the actual holiday with his wife.

Continue reading "A Valentine's Day for cheaters" »

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VALOWEEN: A BADLY NEEDED MAKEOVER FOR A BORING OLD HOLIDAY

AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"

FEBRUARY 5, 2006

BY JULIA ALLISON

I have to admit -- my past two Valentine's Day columns, seeped in saccharine optimism, weren't exactly crowd favorites.

"Overly sentimental," "Boring," "Way too preachy." And that was from my mother!

Continue reading "Valoween: A badly needed makeover for a boring old holiday" »

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MORE ON V-DAY: LOTS OF CLICHES

AM NEW YORK - "THE DATING LIFE"

JANUARY 23, 2006

BY JULIA ALLISON

Valentine's Day is so fraught with clichés that there's nothing remotely original left to say about it. You can't say you love it. Been done, obviously. You can't say you hate it. Definitely been done, with vitriol by people even more bitter than you.

And you certainly can't use the word Hallmark and over-commercialized in the same sentence. You might as well stamp "trite" on your forehead.

Continue reading "More on V-day: Lots of clichés" »