December 05, 2003

How to Give & Get the Best Holiday Gifts

HOW TO GIVE & GET THE BEST HOLIDAY GIFTS
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
DECEMBER 5, 2003

My roommate and her boyfriend just celebrated their one-year anniversary, a time of intense stress for many guys, given that they’re forced to, well, produce a perfect evening.

He came through with flying colors, surprising her with a horse and carriage, a lovely dinner out and, yes, a robin’s-egg-blue box from Tiffany’s.  She was practically floating when she came home (ahem, the next morning), and I’m sure he wasn’t doing too badly either — she had just given him a gift certificate for a massage at the Ritz-Carlton.

(Why is it always someone else’s boyfriend who does incredible things?)

The giving season is upon us, and since the couple that buys fantastic gifts together stays together, here are a few helpful holiday hints:

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November 14, 2003

For Love Advice, Brothers Are Pretty Worthless

FOR LOVE ADVICE, BROTHERS ARE PRETTY WORTHLESS
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
NOVEMBER 14, 2003

What do men really want?

Hell if I know.  They don’t usually like to say.  And whenever I force one to grudgingly enlighten me, I’m pretty sure most of his response comes out of his … well, not his mouth.

Lying to members of the opposite sex isn’t solely a male idiosyncrasy.  Women fib just as much — and about a wider variety of subjects — but we’re usually better at it, perhaps because we like smaller, more subtle fabrications.

Men, on the other hand, tell colossal lies about any situation involving sex and whether those pants make your ass look huge.  Unless he lives in Dupont, he really doesn’t care what your pants look like, he just wants them off.  Off of you, your best friend, her roommate and maybe even her roommate’s hot mom.  And when guys are after that, they’ll never be honest.  Sorry.

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November 07, 2003

Real World Stars: Hot But Probably Not Boyfriend Material

REAL WORLD STARS: HOT BUT PROBABLY NOT BOYFRIEND MATERIAL
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
NOVEMBER 7, 2003

We of the MTV generation have a curious relationship with the stars we mythologize.  Some of us put pictures of Justin Timberlake on the wall.  Some of us score backstage passes to 50 Cent.  And some of us — well, me — ask a “Real World” cast member to drop his drawers for a shot of tequila at McFadden’s.

He did. It was nothing new to him — he’d done it on national television.  And probably not for sex, either, but instead for the readily available bit of fame.

This is the dirty truth of reality TV: people watch the shows, join the shows, live the shows — not just for the easy hook-ups and the fun-filled sojourns to exotic locales, but to milk the camera for their 30-minutes-a-week of celebrity.

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October 31, 2003

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do: A Plan for Recovery

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO: A PLAN FOR RECOVERY
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
OCTOBER 31, 2003

Last Christmas, my stereotypically-older-and-wiser cousin Andrea gave me a book called It’s Not Me … It’s YOU!: A Modern Girl’s Guide to Breaking Up.  I wasn’t dating anyone at the time, and I really didn’t feel the need to prepare for an unpleasant hypothetical, so I put the fuzzy purple volume away on my shelf in between A Catholic Girl’s Guide to Sex and The Monks of New Skete — How to Be Your Dog’s Best Friend. (Just can’t get enough of those self-help books).

Months passed and I started dating a fellow seriously.  I still wasn’t interested in the book. After all, I had already determined that we would break up when I graduated and moved to Los Angeles, whereupon I would instantly get over him and he would pine away for me indefinitely. It was a great plan actually.

Except that it didn’t quite go that way.  Yep, he dumped me first.

Umm … Plan B?

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October 10, 2003

The Virginity Question: Holding Out for a Hero?

THE VIRGINITY QUESTION: HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO?
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
OCTOBER 10, 2003

Back in the day – the day being my junior year in high school – my girl friends and I established a club of sorts. We called it the V-Club, and every year it got smaller, as one by one we surrendered our V-cards and crossed the line into “womanhood.”

Apparently I wasn’t the only one to have a club like this. Just down the hall from me lives a rare group of seniors – six of them, to be exact – who have yet to experience sexual intercourse, Georgetown style. Er, or any style at all, actually.

Wait a second. Georgetown is a Catholic University. Shouldn’t this place be teeming with V-crowds? Now, I’m not a Catholic, but I’m pretty sure that the church isn’t the biggest fan of premarital sex. The words “wrong,” “bad,” and “burning in hell forever” come to mind, actually.

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September 26, 2003

Under Where?!
What Guys Should Learn to Wear Under There

WHAT GUYS SHOULD LEARN TO WEAR UNDER THERE
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
SEPTEMBER 26, 2003

If you made it to Student Activities Fair two weeks ago, you might have spotted me holding up a pair of bright pink lace “boy-short” panties, harassing innocent passersby.

“Any comments on these hot little undies?” I inquired.

After recovering from the initial shock of being confronted by such a garment in the usually lingerie-free student center, most guys stammered:

“Yeah, I prefer boxers.”

Interesting. So do I.

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What Guys Should Learn to Wear Under There" »

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September 12, 2003

For Love or Money: The Economics of Romance

FOR LOVE OR MONEY: THE ECONOMICS OF ROMANCE
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
SEPTEMBER 12, 2003

The psychological experiment masquerading as “reality television” that was For Love or Money 2 came to a laborious two-hour conclusion this past Monday.

In case you missed it, the girl (Erin) chose money over love, and the guy (Chad) chose love (or lust, in my opinion) over money. That Erin “generously” bestowed Chad with only $500,000 of her two million prize was a detail not lost on my roommate. She sputtered incredulously at the tv, “That greedy B---!”

Ah, when money and romance collide.

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September 05, 2003

Three's Company: Hooking Up When You Have a Roommate

THREE'S COMPANY: HOOKING UP WITH YOU HAVE A ROOMMATE
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
SEPTEMBER 5, 2003

At a university where 90 percent of the student body lives on campus, “Your place or mine?” should really be, “Your double or my triple?

Yeah, I know.  Just doesn’t have the same ring.

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August 22, 2003

Hoya-Sexa Ed 101

HOYA SEXA-ED 101 *FOR FIRST YEARS ONLY!*
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
AUGUST 22, 2003

In the fall of my freshman year, I read a little book called Making the Most Out of College.  It featured a lot of upperclassmen and recent grads giving advice on various topics: grades, professors, dating, extracur-riculars.  They all echoed an identical sentiment: “If I had only known then what I know now.”

News Flash: You will feel this way in four years no matter what you do. The question is, how much will you suffer in the meantime?

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April 25, 2003

Caution: Entering the Land of Monogamy

CAUTION: ENTERING THE LAND OF MONOGAMY
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
APRIL 25, 2003

As Sex on the Hilltop 2002-03 draws to a close with this final column, it’s fittingly ironic that I find my dating life in opposition to almost every article I wrote in the last eight months.

Oops.

Echoes of columns past have come back to haunt me as I find myself in a previously unimaginable situation. 1) I have a boyfriend. 2) He’s not older. 3) He’s a lot younger. And 4) Julia’s Foolproof Rules of Dating have been bulldozed by our courtship.

This isn’t subtle irony, the delicate trace of satire flirting with my life. Oh no, this is a bludgeoning mockery of my relationship mantra, compelling me, no - pitching me - off my dating high-horse and into the mud with the rest of you. Luckily I have a good sense of humor.

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April 11, 2003

Be Careful What You Wish For, You May Get It

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR, YOU MAY GET IT
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
APRIL 11, 2003

Well, I asked for it.

“What must I do to get a reaction?” I wrote in the March 28th column. Apparently request one. And getting written up in the Washington Post doesn’t hurt, either.

I must say, the results were interesting. My mail fell into four general categories: women offering encouragement, men seeking advice, marriage proposals, and desperate messages from my dad begging me to change my last name so he wouldn’t receive any more calls from former classmates wondering if “that sex columnist at Georgetown” is indeed his daughter.

But far and away the most common complaint I received was that my column doesn’t include enough SEX.

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March 28, 2003

Write Me, I'm Begging You!

WRITE ME, I'M BEGGING YOU!
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
MARCH 28, 2003

There's no way I can pen a witty, humorous and/or searing commentary on sociological phenomena among Generation Y’s male-female relations this week. There are protesters in Red Square, CNN's ratings have skyrocketed, and the Academy Awards shunned their red carpet. Given the state of the world, there are much more serious matters to consider.

Like the fact that no one has written any angry letters to the editor about my articles in weeks. Even ex-boyfriends whom I publicly embarrass in print won’t respond to my goading. Does anyone read this column? Isn’t anyone pissed off?? What must I do to get a reaction?!? Pose naked in Playboy?

Oh wait, no … the sex columnist from University of Kansas already did that.

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Posted by Julia Allison at 08:50 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

March 21, 2003

Take a Hint or Take a Hike

TAKE A HINT OR TAKE A HIKE
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
MARCH 21, 2003

The other evening, a former … hmm … what to call him — flame? Hook-up? Object of flirtation? Anyway, one of my formers made the mistake of mentioning to a girl friend of mine that he thought himself the impetus for my recent column on Booty Calls. “Oh, yeah,” he bragged, “I ‘booty called’ Julia the other night, and then lo and behold, she writes an article about it the next Friday.”

You’re so vainnnnnn! You probably think this column’s about you! You’re soooo vain — I bet you think this column’s about you, don’t you, don’t youuuuu?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Continue reading "Take a Hint or Take a Hike" »

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February 28, 2003

It's My Birthday and I'll Date Who I Want To

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I'LL DATE WHO I WANT TO
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
FEBRUARY 28, 2003

Today marks the 21st anniversary of my birth. And you know what that means??

According to the “Rule of 1/2 Your Age Plus 7” I can (and should) officially be dating 30 year olds.

That’s right — take the male’s age, divide it by two, then add seven. The result is a numeral just the right number of years younger than said gentlemen.

Oh, please. Don’t act like you’ve never heard of this rule — it’s old school!

Based on the premise that females mature faster than males, this equation is like converting people years to dog years. The formula works because, let’s face it, it’s a rare lady that likes her men younger. Frankly, once you’ve tasted a ripened fruit, you never want to go back to a green banana.

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Posted by Julia Allison at 08:29 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

February 21, 2003

I Will Always Love You ... Or Not

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU ... OR NOT
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
FEBRUARY 21, 2003

Sometimes, even for talented sex columnists, it’s hard to accurately present both sides of a controversial issue. But I wasn’t on the high school debate team for nothing (other than the dubious benefits of dating argumentative nerds). So, in the interest of objectivity, this week’s column will be argued Philodemic style …

“Resolved: It’s possible to have an active dating life without getting hurt.”
Let the debate begin!

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February 14, 2003

Worlds Collide: The Hoya Hooks Up Dating Pro with Inexperienced Amateur

WORLDS COLLIDE: THE HOYA HOOKS UP DATING PRO WITH INEXPERIENCED AMATEUR
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
FEBRUARY 14, 2003

Poor little Tom. He had no idea what he was getting himself into when he agreed to be part of my Valentine’s Day love experiment.

What better way for THE HOYA to celebrate V-Day than by setting up two of its columnists on a first date and having each of them write about it? You know, a he says / she says sort of thing! “Blind Date” without the cameras! “Shipmates” without the boat! “Joe Millionaire” without the Joe!

That could be interesting, I suppose.  Hmm … But what if we add a twist — a la How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days — and have Julia purposely violate every dating convention in the book? Can she actually break her precious rules? Even if she can, will Tom ever recover? Will we find him weeks later, curled up in a ball in his room, in need of therapy and permanently unable to form positive relationships with the opposite gender?

I haven’t read his column yet — the answer may very well be “yes.”

Tommy-Wommy? Are you okay pookums?

Continue reading "Worlds Collide: The Hoya Hooks Up Dating Pro with Inexperienced Amateur" »

Posted by Julia Allison at 08:12 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Tom's Version
Worlds Collide: The Hoya Hooks Up Dating Pro with Inexperienced Amateur

WORLDS COLLIDE: THE HOYA HOOKS UP DATING PRO WITH INEXPERIENCED AMATUER
THE HOYA
FEBRUARY 14, 2003
THOMAS WIGG

Did you ever find yourself in a completely ridiculous/embarrassing/random situation and just ask how the hell did I get myself into this? Well I did on Monday night. Let me start from the beginning. Better yet, let me start with a few definitions that will better help you understand this column.
Thomas Wigg (me): nerdy 18-year-old freshman news writer for THE HOYA who has not had a date since the Clinton Administration and who has an extremely limited amount of experience with the opposite sex.
Julia Allison: very good-looking 21-year-old sex columnist for THE HOYA who is used to dating medical students on a daily basis and writing about the logistics of booty calls.
Worst idea ever: having these two people go out on a date and write about it in the Valentine’s Day issue of THE HOYA, on the front page no less.

Continue reading "Tom's Version
Worlds Collide: The Hoya Hooks Up Dating Pro with Inexperienced Amateur" »

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February 07, 2003

Don't Diss Valentine's Day

DON'T DISS VALENTINE'S DAY
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
FEBRUARY 7, 2003

Valentine’s Day is next Friday, and so far I’ve received zero invitations for an official date, one let’s-go-out-together-if-no-one-else-asks back up offer — and one present, from my grandmother.

That is unacceptable.

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January 24, 2003

Revealing Your History: Sex, Lies, and Lies About Sex

REVEALING YOUR HISTORY: SEX, LIES, AND LIES ABOUT SEX
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
JANUARY 24, 2003

In the city that counts among its most infamous sayings, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” the question “Do people lie about their sexual history?” should elicit only awestruck incredulity.  You’re kidding, right?

Of course, philandering Georgetown alumni aren’t the only ones with something to hide.  Undergraduates with their eye on the sexual bottom line often find themselves being less than honest—or at least far from forthright.

Continue reading "Revealing Your History: Sex, Lies, and Lies About Sex" »

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January 17, 2003

The Dos and Don'ts of Ex Sex

THE DOS AND DON'TS OF EX SEX
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
JANUARY 17, 2003

If the Georgetown community had a condom for each time the phrase “Yeah, I hooked up with my ex over break,” was uttered on campus, no one on the Hilltop would ever have unsafe sex again.

That statement, often accompanied by an embarrassed, sheepish or triumphant giggle, has certainly earned the response “Who didn’t?”

Yes, at one point or another, everyone has Ex Sex.

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December 06, 2002

Shopping for Holiday Love: The Ultimate Gift Guide

SHOPPING FOR HOLIDAY LOVE: THE ULTIMATE GIFT GUIDE
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
DECEMBER 6, 2002

Recently, a friend and I were discussing the relationship of a guy she liked.  Unfortunately for her, he had been dating another girl since last August—almost five months.  “That’s not really that long, though,” she said, “after all, they’ve never been through any of the gift-giving holidays.”

She has a point.

There’s nothing like a good gift-giving holiday to break a couple up—or bring them closer.  Along with birthdays and Valentine’s Day (of course), the trinity of Thanksgiving, Hanukah/Christmas/Kwanza and New Years are the final exams of many relationships.  Even if you’ve done well all semester, come unprepared to the holiday and you’re screwed.

Or not screwed, as the case may be …

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November 22, 2002

"The Rules" for Guys

"THE RULES" FOR GUYS
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
NOVEMBER 22, 2002

Women think of relationships the same way they think of dieting — they’ll try just about any advice on either subject.  Men?  They stick to whatever they’ve always done and wonder why their dating life (or their waistline) doesn’t get any better.

Ultimately, all they want to know is, “How can I get some?  Like, right now?”

While I am loath encourage this single-minded goal, there are definitely guidelines men can follow to increase their dating success.

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November 15, 2002

"The Rules" for Ladies

"THE RULES" FOR LADIES
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
NOVEMBER 15, 2002

Today I broke the Rules.  Specifically, Rule #8: Don’t Call Him. I called him … twice.  Okay, that’s a lie.  Three times.  In the eyes of Rules Girls’ everywhere, I am now officially a stalker, and worse yet—a rule breaker.

Yes, I’m a Rules girl.  I’ve been known to say, in a voice filled with stern indignation: “That’s against the Rules!” and “That’s SO against the Rules! and “Oh my god, do you not know the Rules!?!  Because what you did was totally against them!”

Unfamiliar with the concept?  I’m not surprised.  Today’s girls haven’t been taught the basics of dating—simple guidelines for behavior with potential suitors that can save them immense heartache, not to mention a lot of wasted time.

Continue reading ""The Rules" for Ladies" »

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October 24, 2002

'Just Friends' Continues Its Timeless Debate

'JUST FRIENDS' CONTINUES ITS TIMELESS DEBATE
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
OCTOBER 25, 2002

Like partisan politics in Washington, mixed gender friendships elicit strong and divergent opinions. Can men and women really be friends? From the casual “Sure, why not?” to the hard-line “HELL no!” and all the hesitant “yes … but” qualifiers in between, one thing is certain – it’s complicated.

While most people do acknowledge the theoretical existence of male-female friendships, almost all agree that in practice such ideal relationships are elusive and difficult to maintain.  At best, they are described as precarious balancing acts, requiring constant vigilance to avoid stepping over the line of romantic-no-return.  At worst they are said to lead either to stalking or, according to one bitter platonic friend, “destruction of the spirit and ego, followed by slow shredding of the heart.”

Continue reading "'Just Friends' Continues Its Timeless Debate" »

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October 04, 2002

Dating with a Lowercase 'd'

DATING WITH A LOWERCASE 'D'
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
OCTOBER 4, 2002

Recently I asked a few random Hoyas what strategies they used when “dating with a lowercase ‘d.’” I was met with one of three responses:
1)    Blank stare.
2)    Look of confusion / panic.  “uhhh…dating with a lowercase what?”
3)    Short pause. Realization of what concept means.  Realization that phrase to describe concept is brilliant.  Euphoric expression of joy at concept in general.  Desire to start employing concept immediately.
Okay, okay, response #3 only occurred twice.

Clearly there’s a dearth of knowledge about this process. And if students don’t know about it, how can they possibly practice it? As ignorance is a weak reason to miss out on such a valuable non-platonic interaction, let me enlighten you:
Dating with a Lowercase ‘d’: On the relationship spectrum, somewhere between hooking up and monogamous commitment (aka Dating with an uppercase ‘D’); usually entails traditional type “dates” as well as non-exclusive status.

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October 01, 2002

Letter to the Editor: University Enforcing Condom Policy Anathema to Students' Free Speech

UNIVERSITY ENFORCING CONDOM POLICY ANATHEMA TO STUDENTS’ FREE SPEECH
THE HOYA
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
 OCTOBER 1, 2002

To the Editor:

Continuing to erode what’s left of the academic right to free speech on this campus, Georgetown’s draconian decision to prevent the condom distribution on residence hall doors sets a frightening precedent.

This is the latest in a series of rights-based infringements on the student body under the questionable premise of “protection.”  In other words, the administration has unilaterally decided the course of action and chosen to act without reason or impetus from actual students.  LGTBQ Center?  Lockdown Policy?  See the pattern?

Just whom do they think they’re really protecting with these idiotic policies?

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September 20, 2002

Long Distance Relationships: Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder?

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS: ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER?
THE HOYA
SEX ON THE HILLTOP
SEPTEMBER 20, 2002
BY JULIA ALLISON

They started dating the week after our high school graduation.

Three months later Molly was off to Stanford, and Andrew to the University of Illinois.  And so every year it would go — the two or three visits during the semester, the requisite winter break sighting, the Spring Break get-together and hopefully, if they were lucky, the summer spent at home.  Entering their senior year this fall, they remain a couple, despite four years of my pointed comments chiding them for avoiding the world of undergraduate dating.

Although Molly and Andrew are far from the norm, everyone knows their type — they form part of the quintessential “long distance relationship” so common on college campuses.

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